Continuing on from Part One of this topic, I could talk about the influence of peer groups and all sorts of other things. But, for now, I’ll cut to the chase. Here are some of the behaviours you might see from adolescents as they come to terms with their experience of being under threat with the uncertainty this involves:
These responses are all signs of the stress of coming to terms with crisis. They are normal reactions to abnormal events and should pass with time.
- excessive concern for others, guilt, anxiety and insecurity
- sleeplessness or wanting to sleep all the time
- withdrawal from family, spending increased time alone listening to music or watching TV
- wanting to be around the family more than before or more dependent on family or other people
- sudden need for independence expressing feelings like ‘don’t treat me like a child’ and ‘you’re only my Mother’
- uncooperative, irritable and only concerned with what is important to them
- bored, listless and dissatisfied unable to cope with responsibilities or duties, reverting to immature or irresponsible behaviour
- preoccupation with the trauma, wanting to talk about it all the time – or angrily refusing to talk about it
- more detached from life, the future or interests, and an unwillingness to set goals
- want to do everything now: they are impatient or intolerant
- pessimism and cynicism, loss of interest in the future
- changed values and philosophy of life poor concentration, memory, organisation, planning skills and reduced school performance
- restlessness, always needing to be doing something or be with peers
- exaggerated emotional reactions to small problems
- angry, controlling, assertive and demanding
- exaggeration or return of previous problems.
If some of this seems contradictory, welcome to the world of adolescence.
Here’s how to help:
- Give them accurate information about the event and its consequences.
- Correct any misunderstandings and rumours, but do not burden them with details unnecessary to the overall understanding
- Encourage them to express emotions and put thoughts into words—if not with you, make sure they talk to someone. Give them the opportunity, but let them go at their own pace.
- Expressing strong emotions is a natural way to come to terms with crisis. As the emotions subside recovery starts.
- Suppressed emotions can cause long-term problems. But there are many ways to express, not just through talking.
- Keep communicating, if they won’t talk about emotions, ask the adolescent what they are thinking.
- Let them know about your reactions, explain about stress and recovery. Even if they don’t admit it, they do take in what is said
- Keep telling them you love and care about them no matter what they do or say.
- If they object to what you are doing, don’t argue, ask them how else you can help.
- Reassure them about the future, especially that their current distress will pass in time.
- Make plans to reduce pressure at school or in other activities if they are having trouble coping.
- Support them to continue their social and recreational activities, to play, explore, laugh, even though the adults themselves may not want to.
- Maintain routine and familiar activities, ensure life is secure and predictable; minimise change.
- Keep them informed about how their recovery is progressing and what help is available.
Don’t make this the time to have disputes about normal problems such as work, chores or defiance. Leave this for later or it will be confused with the crisis reactions. The problems usually fade as adolescents recover. If not, the problems will be more successfully worked out later.
Adolescents’ striving for independence, seeking help from peers and adults other than their parents and expressing critical attitudes are all indications of parents’ success in giving adolescents the strength and confidence to become adults. This behaviour needs to be valued and worked with rather than against.
Sometimes, adolescents have a narrower point of view and can accept the earthquake and all it entails in a matter-of-fact way. They may not need their parents as much as parents need them. When this happens parents must continue to be available, but in a different, more detached way and avoid burdening adolescents with their own distress as much as possible.
An event like this also provides adolescents with opportunities for growth and discovery about themselves. With help, adolescents can eventually mature as a result of the experience. They often show strength and resilience that has not been evident before.